1. Her age. The older a woman gets, the less she wants to admit how long she's been around.
2. Her weight. It really isn't important that we've gained a few pounds over the years, is it?
3. Her clothing size. Those things are just too damn confusing anyway so who could get it right?
4. Her number of lovers. One too many and you look sleazy and who knows exactly what one too many is?
5. Her phone number. Sometimes a simple no isn't enough for the persistent pest. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
6. Her true hair color. Like we're going to admit to having grays?
7. Orgasms. Sometimes it's just easier to fake it.
8. Her bra size. Feeling the pressure of the bigger the better.
9. Other women. Sure we say so and so is fat, but it's because we'd kill for her hair.
10. How much we spend. Wouldn't you feel guilty if you spent that much on a pair of shoes?
Showing posts with label tuesday tens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tuesday tens. Show all posts
Tuesday
In Love Or Obsessed
1. In love: You call just to say hi.
Obsessed: You call to say hi. Five minutes later, you call to say you're missing them. Ten minutes later, you call to say you're thinking of them. Twenty minutes later, you start blocking your number and dialing just to hear their voice.
2. In love: You like to wear his shirt from time to time.
Obsessed: Not only do you wear his shirt, but you offer to wash his laundry so that you can wear his underwear too.
3. In love: You talk about them from time to time.
Obsessed: You can't have one conversation without mentioning their name. "Yeah, so and so thinks the same thing." "So and so said it was going to rain today." "I wish so and so was here to hear this."
4. In love: You carry their picture in your wallet.
Obsessed: You made copies of the picture and hung them all over your bedroom walls because their face is the first thing you want to see in the morning.
5. In love: You write sweet little love notes and leave them where they'll be found.
Obsessed: You write a sweet long novel of a note then drive to their work and leave it on their windshield. You then write a second one and tape it to their front door just in case they missed the first one.
6. In love: When you're apart, your heart grows fonder.
Obsessed: When you're apart, you think about putting on a diaper and attempting to track them down even if it takes all night.
7: In love: You are willing to compromise.
Obsessed: You are willing to change anything and everything just to make them happy, even if it kills you.
8. In love: You feel as if you can't live without them.
Obsessed: You know you can't live without them and have already devised a plan to fix things should they try to end things.
9. In love: You cherish the time spent together.
Obsessed: Not only do you cherish the time spent together, you become downright physically ill if you don't get enough of it.
10. In love: You can see this person in your life forever.
Obsessed: You have threatened to harm yourself if this person isn't in your life.
Obsessed: You call to say hi. Five minutes later, you call to say you're missing them. Ten minutes later, you call to say you're thinking of them. Twenty minutes later, you start blocking your number and dialing just to hear their voice.
2. In love: You like to wear his shirt from time to time.
Obsessed: Not only do you wear his shirt, but you offer to wash his laundry so that you can wear his underwear too.
3. In love: You talk about them from time to time.
Obsessed: You can't have one conversation without mentioning their name. "Yeah, so and so thinks the same thing." "So and so said it was going to rain today." "I wish so and so was here to hear this."
4. In love: You carry their picture in your wallet.
Obsessed: You made copies of the picture and hung them all over your bedroom walls because their face is the first thing you want to see in the morning.
5. In love: You write sweet little love notes and leave them where they'll be found.
Obsessed: You write a sweet long novel of a note then drive to their work and leave it on their windshield. You then write a second one and tape it to their front door just in case they missed the first one.
6. In love: When you're apart, your heart grows fonder.
Obsessed: When you're apart, you think about putting on a diaper and attempting to track them down even if it takes all night.
7: In love: You are willing to compromise.
Obsessed: You are willing to change anything and everything just to make them happy, even if it kills you.
8. In love: You feel as if you can't live without them.
Obsessed: You know you can't live without them and have already devised a plan to fix things should they try to end things.
9. In love: You cherish the time spent together.
Obsessed: Not only do you cherish the time spent together, you become downright physically ill if you don't get enough of it.
10. In love: You can see this person in your life forever.
Obsessed: You have threatened to harm yourself if this person isn't in your life.
Bumper Stickers
For the Masturbating Male:
1. Vaseline -- made with my meat in mind.
2. Nobody does it like my hand and me.
3. Nothing's working like a jerking.
4. Men -- they take a beating and keep on leaking.
5. I take MJ's advice on a daily and just beat it.
6. Forget the dog, lotion's a man's best friend.
7. If you get caught with your hands in your pants, you're obviously doing it wrong.
8. Lotion -- the world's true meat marinade.
9. My palm is my pilot.
10. When in doubt, stroke it out.
(I'm off to get my head out the gutter, but feel free to throw yours in there and add your own bumper sticker saying)
1. Vaseline -- made with my meat in mind.
2. Nobody does it like my hand and me.
3. Nothing's working like a jerking.
4. Men -- they take a beating and keep on leaking.
5. I take MJ's advice on a daily and just beat it.
6. Forget the dog, lotion's a man's best friend.
7. If you get caught with your hands in your pants, you're obviously doing it wrong.
8. Lotion -- the world's true meat marinade.
9. My palm is my pilot.
10. When in doubt, stroke it out.
(I'm off to get my head out the gutter, but feel free to throw yours in there and add your own bumper sticker saying)
10 Things We Should All Know
1. If you're constantly walking with your head down, everyone can see your bald spot.
2. If you can smell your socks through your shoes, those around you can too.
3. Rubbing the inside of your nose with your thumb is still considered picking your nose.
4. If the person you are talking to is constantly turning their head away, chances are good that your breath reeks.
5. Just because you're wearing clean underwear doesn't give you the right to drive like an asshole.
6. If you stop to tie your shoe, make sure your ass is out of the way of traffic.
7. It is possible to fall up the stairs so quit running.
8. When someone says "hold the elevator", they don't mean grab that little steel bar inside and watch the doors shut, they actually mean to hold the doors.
9. Plaque is not always an award, it's often the reason you should brush your teeth.
10. Your eyes won't get stuck by simply rolling them, but they may get poked out by doing so.
2. If you can smell your socks through your shoes, those around you can too.
3. Rubbing the inside of your nose with your thumb is still considered picking your nose.
4. If the person you are talking to is constantly turning their head away, chances are good that your breath reeks.
5. Just because you're wearing clean underwear doesn't give you the right to drive like an asshole.
6. If you stop to tie your shoe, make sure your ass is out of the way of traffic.
7. It is possible to fall up the stairs so quit running.
8. When someone says "hold the elevator", they don't mean grab that little steel bar inside and watch the doors shut, they actually mean to hold the doors.
9. Plaque is not always an award, it's often the reason you should brush your teeth.
10. Your eyes won't get stuck by simply rolling them, but they may get poked out by doing so.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
