Decorated Dick

Dick picked the kids up for the weekend last night. All was fine until I put their bags in his truck. I noticed all his clothes and even his suitcase were in there as well. He had told me that he was staying at his parent's house on the river (which he claims to have done when he left before). I asked why were all his things still in the truck and he just laughed. I asked where he was taking the kids and he told me not to worry about it.

Oh no he didn't.

Needless to say, I wasn't going to let him leave without knowing where my kids were going. Dick ended up calling the cops and saying I was imprisoning him (he's such a pussy). The cops show up, get both sides of the story, tell me they believe his story of taking them to the river, and tell me how to conduct a welfare check on my kids if something didn't seem right. I kissed my children and off they went.

After Dick's truck was out of sight, the cop asked if I wanted to talk. Not knowing what to say, I just shrugged my shoulders. He motioned me to my porch steps where I took a seat. He asked how long I had been married, how long we've been having problems, among other bullshit. Still not realizing what was going on, I answered his questions. He goes on to state that good men are hard to find these days. He puts his hand on my thigh and tells me it's even harder for a woman with kids to find a decent man and as he inches his hand up, he states that there are some out there.

At this point, the cop is smiling like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. I push his hand away and asked him what the hell was his problem? I told him it took me forever to get rid of one dick, what makes him think I want another? I then politely asked him to get the hell off my property before I have to shove his badge so far up his ass that he wouldn't be able to sit for a week. I then went inside, locked the door, grabbed a beer, and began my chick-flick-athon.

Moral of the story: A man with a badge is just a dick with decorations.