I hate when people don't listen. It pisses me off when I tell someone something and two weeks later, they forgot what the hell I had said. My doctor is obviously one of those people (poor thing).The poor bastard called two weeks ago reminding me that I was due for a pap test. Mind you, he never calls to inform me of any other visits, just apparently the ones that involve me and my cooch. I politely tell him that since Dick was laid off in January, I no longer had insurance and would call to reschedule as soon as I did.
I thought that was the end of that until he calls me yesterday to remind me yet again that I am due in his office to have my legs spread apart while this contraption is inserted in my nether regions as I make idle chit-chat and watch him adorn lube-laced gloves. I ask him if he is having withdrawals and he seemed taken aback.
Please! You're going to call me twice in two weeks asking if you can look at my cunt and expect me not to say anything? Yeah, right! How would he like it if I called him twice to ask of his whereabouts? A little to the left or a little to the right? Firm, limp, or somewhere in the middle?
Needless to say, after a very descriptive (for lack of a better term) conversation, I think he took the hint. I doubt he will be calling to remind me again, but will wait patiently for me to return his call. If nothing else came of this conversation, I definitely deserve an award for the most times cunt was ever used during a phone conversation. *takes a bow*
12 comments:
Signora - I think everyone is having a difficult time in the economy, even the "plumbers of the female anatomy". Thus I am sceptical that you're going to be left in peace; I suspect that he now has a whole cold calling list of places he hasn't probed in a while.
I applaude your gratuitous use of such a taboo word. Bravo.
Dear Suzie Q:
I enjoyed your recent post Dr. Cunt-ner. To me reading your work has sort of a shock effect like waiting for another shoe to drop. In my view your insight humor combined with the ounce of truth braces one for some hidden gutter or street talk that may or may not come next. Just wanted to let you know I enjoyed reading work. Please never stop writing.
Freddie L. Sirmans, Sr.
Hehe nice, very nice. I always wondered what that job was like.
@Green Curmudgeon: Let's just say if this doc doesn't leave me in peace, I may just have to leave him in pieces.
@ALN: I accept your applause and offer a curtsy in return.
@Freddie: Holy shit! A wonderful compliment with the terms "hidden gutter or street talk?" I heart you my new friend. :)
@Deji: The job in short, smells like kittens.
You gotta feel sympathy for the poor Doc. Can you image - spreading the lips of the organ apart - sticky, smelling of dried urine - and then - even with plastic liner gloves on - having to probe? Even look up close with a magnifying glass?
I've seen a lot of nude women, but as an artist I thankfully got to keep my distance - my focus on the paper and my imagination - not on the uggy details!
Oh, my...only kidding, folks. Us old artist coots can behave a little addled.
@Ralph: Did I mention I heart you?
Leave it to you to use 'cunt' so eloquently.
@derek: I try.
haha...nice story and nice way to deal with it. i also get really pissed off when someone forgets something important.
peace
@Irtiza104: It wasn't just the fact that he forgot, but it was his persistence in seeing my lady bits which truly set me off.
lol
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