Wednesday

The Male Brain

WWSD? Suzie would patiently decipher each and every one.

I really don't understand men sometimes. You tell them to leave you alone and they won't. You flirt like crazy and they act like nothing's happening. You shove a foot up their ass and they get mad. They shove theirs up yours and you're supposed to like it. I am tired of trying to figure men out. Unless they speak to me in English and clearly state what it is they want, I'm not going to bother with any of it.

For the last several nights, I have been under the attack of drunken texts -- ranging from I love yous to I hate yous, I want you backs to I hope you rot in hell. The first couple of nights, I tried to decipher Dick's intentions. I attempted to pick apart his slurred words (yes, he's slurs when texting) looking for any meaning whatsoever. I quickly came to the conclusion that not only was there no meaning, I really didn't care to know it if there was.

I have since turned my phone off at night, but that only delayed the inevitable. As soon as I turn my phone on in the mornings, I am attacked by the constant beeps. The night's conversation comes pouring in at once. The latest text has me the most confused:

I love you. I want you back. I called Tom (the real estate agent) and he should be by tomorrow. I hope you rot in hell for what you've done.

Yeah, okay. You love me, but want me to rot in hell. You want me back, but are putting the house on the market. And for what I've done? He left, not me.

So you see, I'm done with trying to figure out the male brain. It is too damn time consuming and I have better things to do. I'd rather spend my time with a bunch of old ladies playing Bingo and discussing which brand of denture cleaner works the best than attempt to decipher this shit.

12 comments:

Cooking Asshole said...

He sounds confused, regretful, and angry. Fuck that dumbass.

Stephanie said...

I agree. He sounds confused. Its a love/hate thing with him. He needs to grow up and make up his mind. Decide what he wants and stop being a kid. I know 15 year old's more mature then this.

Drunken words are a sober man's thoughts.

amrhima said...

I think I'm kind of like he is, in love but wishing I'm not because its humiliating,...perhaps it is not worthy of the name love, its more of a bad habit, a weakness or a need. But I decided I'm not giving in to it anymore. Hope dick grows up, read Nietzsche or my blog and starts doing the same. :D

Miss Suzie said...

@ALN: My thoughts exactly!

@Steph: My nine year old is more mature than this behavior.

@amrhima: Being in love isn't humiliating -- acting like an ass is.

Green Curmudgeon said...

Signorina - I think you may be in danger of making an overenthusiastic extrapolation. It's not the male brain that's at fault here - it's Dick lack of a brain at all. He sounds like he's all impulse, no thought; sometimes liquor speaks, then lust, then frustrated lust, then rage. He's a blob of hormones and self-indulgent instincts, and thus it's not possible to expect coherence. You are better off ignoring him entirely; fortunately, as a specimen, I think he's one of a kind.

Miss Suzie said...

@Green Curmudgeon: I know that not all men are like this. I'm just pissy at the moment and well, you know what happens then.

JonnyHo said...

The male brain is wired completely differently.
As opposed to being a complex network of thoughts, capable of fluidly balancing the whole picture,
it's like 7 primal brains, all with a their own aims and agendas, and methods, and are connected together poorly, so we use one brain at a time.
And alcohol makes switching a lot more likely and obvious.
A bit like women use a great vairety of pitch when speaking, but men have 3 tones.

JonnyHo said...

And men are incredibly dense when it comes to noticing flirting. Like unbelievably

yanjiaren said...

Only when they lose everything rofl they decide to wake up ahaha..I liked the read. I am glad you say what you feel I will be back Love your blog.

Miss Suzie said...

@JonnyHo: I'm not going to even try to decipher that, but will agree that you guys are totally oblivious to flirtation.

@yanjiaren: Honestly, I can't help but feel sorry for him, but there comes a point when it's a little too late.

amrhima said...

I didn't mean being in love is humiliating, I meant being needy is.

Miss Suzie said...

@amrhima: Ah, I see.