Friday

Dear Miss Suzie

Received this email recently:

Miss Suzie
I have been married for a year and things were great up until now. My husband refuses to help out around the house anymore. All he does is sits in front of the computer or tv. I have three small children that I am taking care of and I don't need a fourth. You seem like you do a great job dealing with a-holes and I was wondering how you would handle my situation.
Signed
Can't take it anymore

My Response:

Dear Can't take it anymore
Let me guess: While your asshole sits in front of the television or computer, you are busy doing all the things you have to do -- laundry, dinner, cleaning, etc.? You don't bother him and continue to busy yourself around the house and children? You have dinner on the table every night and your house stays tidy? Am I right?

Grow some labia!

Here's what you do: When you do laundry, only do yours and the kids. Allow his laundry to pile up in the corner of your bedroom where he'll be sure to see it. When you fix dinner, only do so for you and your children. For added bitchiness, you can even set him a place at the table, but do not have food available for his plate. When he finally asks what the hell is going on, repeat these words:

It is apparent that you no longer feel the need to help out around the house, so I suggest you ask your dear computer for some help. Perhaps you should google how not to act like a complete jackass in a marriage.

Then go have a girl's night out -- you deserve it.

4 comments:

Deji D said...

If you ruled the world, I would be terrified. You are a scary woman Miss Suzie :)

Miss Suzie said...

@Deji: Aww! That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

an allie fox said...

this is excellent. mostly b/c its exactly what I was thinking as I was reading her letter. keep on posting you bitch! :)

Miss Suzie said...

@allie: Great minds think alike!