Me? Not a chance.I don't mind people talking about me, I really don't. It's all just part of life. What I do have a problem with is if you talk about me, at least know what the hell you are talking about.
Apparently word has gotten around the neighborhood that Dick has been gone for a week and apparently the boob brigade (also known as the other mothers) have been quick to start the gossip fest. My daughter came home from school asking if Daddy had left to be with another woman. After a few questions, I discovered that little Johnny No-Teeth had told her this at lunch.
I knew I should have let my blood cool down a bit, but I was pissed. I don't care what you say to me, but do not screw with my kids!
Needless to say, I marched my ass right on over to the home of Mrs. No-Teeth and asked her what the hell was going on. After five minutes of fumbling for something to say, all she could muster was "He must have heard us talking." I was livid at this point. I had just realized that I left my damn roast in the oven and it would probably be dry by the time I ripped this bitch a new one and returned home.
I politely informed her that yes, Dick has been gone for a week. I also told her that I do not mind her and her friends chit-chatting about the situation, but if they were going to talk about it, they should at least have the facts straight. I told her Dick did not leave because he found someone else, but that he left because I have a problem. It seems I have developed an addiction to all the men in the neighborhood and that her husband was next. Without giving her a chance to whine, I marched my booty right back home (and yes, my damn roast was dry).
I'm sure she got on the phone shortly thereafter, but as long as they are getting their shit straight, they will be fine.
18 comments:
You should have punched her in her stupid face. That would probably make things worse but at least it would feel good.
Signora, you need to take a trip of some description; perhaps leave the country for a week or two?
@ALN: If it happens again, that will be the next step.
@GreenCurmudgeon: Any suggestions?
Signora - I have to say Italy, for whatever reason I think it would suit you. It's part of the (subconscious) reason why I'm calling you Signora. If you want good food, warm hospitable people and the kids to have an educational experience, Italy is for you. :)
@GreenCurmudgeon: Hmm...good choice! And I absolutely adore that you call me Signora. :)
If you choose Rome, I can advise on restaurants and places to visit. I have been to Florence as well, but it's a bit less of a fun town.
@GreenCurmudgeon: This reminds me of one of my favorite movies -- Under the Tuscan Sun. Perhaps I could go to Tuscany and purchase a quaint house and just start over?
Well then you'd have to change your name to Signora Susanna, and take up painting Tuscan landscapes, say, a grove of olive trees. You'd need a sun-drenched veranda, with a small table and a bottle of chianti upon it. And you'd probably need to take Dick for every penny he's got (Italy's a bit expensive).
@GreenCurmudgeon: Well damn! So much for that idea. :(
Maybe not. Do you have any qualms about selling Dick into servitude in the Russian Far East? That should generate sufficient cash. Besides, it'll be good for him, he'll learn humility whether he likes it or not (plus the Russian for "dog"). :)
@GreenCurmudgeon: I so love the way you think! Plan's back on...Tuscany here I come!
Hahaha!! Awesome post!! About three years ago I asked my husband to go to counseling with me, and he cleaned out the bank account and got a girlfriend. But don't be sad for me, I have a wonderful life now. I don't know your situation, but you have a sister in your corner!!!
By the way, Under the Tuscan Sun is one of my favorite movies!! Drink a six pack while watching that!!
@PINKMONKEY: Sorry to hear about your situation, but glad to hear you haved moved on. And yes, a six pack is a must while watching that movie.
You may be my new favorite person.
@derek bowles: That's always nice to hear.
That was hilarious. What a bunch of bored housewife bitches. Serves her right.
@StillThinking: Bitches, yes indeed.
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