I hate telemarketers (not the actual person, but what they do). They are the most persistent bunch of douchebags on planet Earth and call at very inappropriate moments attempting to sell me some bullshit that I do not need (and am pretty sure I had just told them that the week before). There is one in particular who calls about twice a week. I had started ignoring the call and letting the machine get it, but I was in a rather pissy mood yesterday and figured I'd have a little fun at his expense.The conversation started like all the ones before -- "Miss Suzie," (Uh, you didn't really think I was going to put my real name there, did you?) "this is Tim from (insert company's name here because I forgot it) and I'd like to ask you a few questions if I may?"
I answer him with "Oh, sure. Now you call me back. You had no problem ignoring me for the last two weeks after our night of lustful passion. That's what is wrong with you men. You have no problem being up close and personal while you're getting your jollies off, but heaven forbid you actually call us back. What do you think -- it makes you look weak? Well you little dickhead, you weren't that strong to begin with and you proved that the other night. Sex with you was like sitting through a speech given by Porky Pig -- a long, drawn-out production full of fumbles and at the end, I was left with the feeling "well that's all folks." Grow some balls and quit being the little prick the world expects you to be. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a custard to attend to."
Needless to say, he hung up rather quickly. I know, I know. That was rather mean of me, but it felt oh so good. And that's the thing about calling a stranger's house -- you never know what you're going to get. I'm sure he got shit on all day -- at least I did it in a slightly entertaining way.
15 comments:
Hehe...next time tell him you are pregnant with his child and you already called the Maury show. If there is a next time!
@ALN: Nice one...but I prefer Jerry Springer. Much more classier.
Signora, we have hatred of cold calls in common - I have a number of incidents of this type on my blog. The problem is, I've received most of them at work, and can't refer to your sterling example. However, this example from Tom Mabe should provide some chuckles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8
@GreenCurmudgeon: That was priceless! I almost wet myself when he asked if the guy was gay at the end. Thanks for sharing!
haha... loved the way you handled the situation. He must be real confused.
Following your blog.
peace
@irtiza104: Thanks! I think he was rather dumbfounded in the end.
Glad to hear you have chosen to follow. :)
then if that's your case, why dont you divorce him???
@HANNAH: Not that this has anything to do with this particular post, but to answer your question: I don't believe in giving up so easy. I meant what I said when I took my vows. I'm no pussy and am in it through thick and thin (plus, it's more interesting this way).
Lol i can count on the "Tom Mabe" audio to cheer me up any day.
Suzie, i like how you messed with the person.
Every now and then i tend to feel sorry for them, but hey they are just too annoying.
@Deji D: Thanks. I feel sorry for them too, but I hate being interrupted during dinner, a bath, or an argument with Dick.
Oh dear jezus, that was one hilarious move. Thank you, that made my day.
@Robin: You are welcome! Anytime.
haha that really was funny .. its a really good way to put off these telemarketers who keep on calling at inappropriate times.
@Saif: Thanks! I've wondered why they never call when I'm just sitting there thinking of something to do. They always call when I have something to do.
That was damn hilarious! The poor guy! haha!
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