We all know how much I hate grocery shopping and it's not only because of the pervy, old men. It seems as if my car is a magnet to anything that will cause dents and dings. I can't count the number of times I have come out of the store and was greeted with a note offering an apology sitting under my windshield wiper.I went to the store this morning, grabbed my groceries as fast as possible, and headed out the door before I had another run-in with the old man. As I approached my car, I noticed something shiny. Upon closer inspection, I saw that someone had apparently opened their door into mine. I looked on the windshield for a note, but there was none. I glanced at the car next to mine and there it was -- my fucking paint on their fucking door.
I know accidents happen, but common courtesy is to leave a note saying you did so. If you aren't going to leave a note, don't keep your piece of shit parked by mine with the evidence clearly there. You are asking for a bitch slap -- which is just what I did.
I put my groceries in the trunk and then carefully maneuvered the cart to it's proper location -- all the way down the side of the offender's car and into the cart corral. I then grabbed a piece of paper from my purse and scribbled this note:
"I apologize profusely for the damage I did to your car. It seems I was so busy trying to figure out who could have opened their door into my car and not be bothered to leave a note that I hit yours with my cart, on purpose. Enjoy the rest of your day -- bitch."
I think I'm going to put an ad on craigslist for someone who would be willing to do my grocery shopping for me before I end up in jail or shot.
18 comments:
lmao! you are insane woman!! hahaha. i love it. oh i hate rude assholes like that. huh!! that is a steph move right there. i don't know about "dick", but my husband would have asked me to reconsider... leaving the note. they can be so "nice" right. lol.
...
That was totally uncalled for. Did you ever think that maybe she/he didn't have any paper? Maybe she/he went to the store to buy a notepad.
Who am I kidding... That is hilarious. I think you need to find a new grocery store.
lmao oh I heart you, this happens to me all the time - fortunatly for me I drive a jeep which doors open completely when I remove a strap, the "wind" catches the door and they just happen to dent, scratch, wreck car doors.
I have also been known to cave doors in with me feet when people are rude enough to do stupid things like open their door into my vehicle and then leave their car parked there.
I agree with Derek, I think you need to find a new store.
Since I retired, I NEVER use my car. I keep it parked in front of my house, on a small neighborhood street. So far, my car has been smashed into three times. The first two times small dents, but the last bad enough to have to be repaired. No notes, no communication of any kind. Just two dented side panels, and a door hanging half-off. And the city I live in has been dubbed by three popular magazine the most pleasant little town to live in America.
Steph: Yes, Dick would always fuss at me for doing it, but I think my notes tend to be more on the "nice" side.
@Derek: That thought actually did cross my mind and just pissed me off even more.
@Disposable Pixi: Ooh. I've never thought to actually cave in the door with my foot. I may have to add that to my "to do" list.
@Nothing Profound: I am looking for a job. You can hire me to stand guard. Trust me, one round with me and those little assholes would never come back. :)
Miss Suzie Perhaps instead of finding a new grocery store it's just time for an auto modification. The people in your town need to learn what cars not to get close to, this should do the trick.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfxCnZ4Dp3c&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Ftrendstoday%2Etoday%2Ecom%2F&feature=player_embedded
I don't have a car so I can't really relate to the car-bashing. But I certainly identify with the problem of opposite gender pushing past the comfort zone.
Happens ever summer season. When I first put on my knee-pants and step off the bus into a parking lot. Those Pervy Young Women ... man, they can drive me nuts! My short pants don't actually come down to my knees - and that just intensifies more!
I don't don't know if it's my white skin legs, not yet tanned, or what? I do know it gets a little calmer as the season goes on. One thing that helps is the University here falls in enrollment so there are less young coeds with grandfather fixations or whatever.
Boy, I dread fall. When fall semester starts. The coeds return. At least I'm back to wearing my regular long pants than.
@FreakSmack: The people in my town need to be taught a lesson or two and I am trying to do just that.
@Ralph: We women can't seem to control ourselves when it comes to grandfathers with white legs. It's just too hot! Please forgive us. :)
Priceless action! *Sends you flowers*
I would love to see someone do that on a parking lot. I'd film it...
@Robin: Thanks for the flowers! I'm waiting for some of my shenanigans to be caught on tape and shown to the public. I think I would piss my pants!
You really gotta stop shopping for your own safety, I just love how you handle situations like that though :D
Miss Suzie,
You are a terrific combination of wit, wonderful outrage(in a great way), and many other things.
The only question I have for you, coming from a "too nice" kind of person is: Do you give lessons?
:)
@amrhima: Was that your way of offering to do it for me? :)
@Quiet Waters Rise: Thanks! Actually, I am running a special right now: The first three lessons are free.
you are my kind of woman!!!!
biotch got guts!!!!
wo-ho! A little dangerous, but I would have done the same.
@Lolita: I either have guts or seriously need counseling. :)
@evilsquirrel01: I have no clue what I would have done if the owner had caught me doing what I did.
thanks for a good afternoon laugh!
@Jason: You are more than welcome. :)
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