I get so sick and tired of hearing how women bitch and complain. Men are the same damn way. I overheard a few of them talking in a restaurant and it wasn't much difference between their conversation and the way I carry on with my girlfriends. As I sat there eating my coconut shrimp and sipping my pina colada, I listened in on the man-fest.I learned that guy #1 was upset in the lack of sex between him and his wife. He was asking the other dudes for advice which I'm praying he doesn't take. I'm not sure the wife will dig the offer of a threesome to spice things up, but hey, what the hell do I know? She might be into that sort of thing.
Guy #2 was having problems at work. He felt under appreciated and had just lost a big deal. He was thinking of career changes and one of the dudes offered "bartender" as a possible career choice. "Think of all the drunk chicks, dude."
Guy #3 was having women problems. He apparently couldn't get past three dates before they failed miserably. He was told to try Eharmony or an equivalent path.
Of course, me being the little Suzie that I am, figured I'd offer up my own advice. I got up, waltzed on over, and slid in the chair beside guy #2. I told the first guy to help his wife around the house more and to up the romantic gestures throughout the day. This way, she won't be so tired at the end of the day and will be more in the mood after receiving more affection. I told guy #2 that he had two choices -- he either needed to work harder and quit his bitching or find a new job. I reminded him of the current economy and how hard it is to find decent work. I informed guy #3 that his problem was probably due to his wandering eye. After watching him check the ass of every woman that walked by his table, I could see why no woman would hang around too long.
I then got up, walked back to my table, and ordered dessert. I left the restaurant that night not only knowing that I helped the lives of three strangers, but got guy #3's phone number as well (he actually left his business card on my table as he was leaving). If I do decide to go out with him, I'll bring my fork in case his eyes need readjusting.
13 comments:
House work? That's woman's work woman! He should be a bartender, think about all the chicks. The last guy had those 3 dates in 5 days, and told them all that he loves her. Don't believe me? Call him.
@Derek: What I wouldn't give to see you pushing around a vacuum in a man thong! As for calling the guy, it could prove to be rather interesting, but I'm still undecided about that one.
@Suzie- It could be arranged, but I'm afraid you would have make sure the kids are out of the house. I tend to drop and pick up random objects whilst vacuuming. But as you may or may not be aware of, I have been banned from using the vacuum.
These guys are sages
@Derek: I'm sure the ban can be lifted just this once.
@ALN: Doubtful.
Uh...Miss Suzie...uh, I know the chances or slim, but would you announce your name and say that you blogged whenever you walk into a diner or cafe? Just in case it happened that I was sitting there. I get paranoid easily and I don't want to be caught saying inappropriate things to other guys in your hearing. Particularly if you walked over with even a spoon in your hand...whew....Thank you.
@Ralph: I would be happy to announce myself, but I'm sure you'd recognize me. I would be the chick with an obvious fork fetish. :)
Maybe he left his business card because he wants to sell you something like an insurance policy. Be wary.
@Omega: I'm always wary when it comes to strange men. :)
yet another interesting story. i wish i also could run into these sort of weird situations. BTW, you might think twice before calling him.
:)
@Irtiza: I have a way of making any situation weird. :) I have decided not to call him.
You really shouldn't judge us to hard. We're just simple men. Some more simple than others...
But that's just the way we're wired. Getting laid is our number one objective next to breathing. #2 was probably just bitching about his job because he had no sex life to speak off.
Robin
@Robin: Or could #2's sex life be so great that he had nothing else to bitch about other than work? Hmm...now you've got me wondering.
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