Golden Cock Award - Officer Harris

I seriously despise the cops around here. They are plentiful in numbers as well as attitude. This week's golden cock award goes to State Trooper Harris for his non-people skills and pushy persona.

I was trying to be nice and get Dick's car inspected for him (yes, I'm capable of being nice). I was sitting in the mechanic's shop waiting patiently when my mechanic came rushing back inside. He looked at me funny and gestured to the window. I looked out, saw the cop, and was confused. I hadn't done anything.

The cop comes in and gets the mechanic. I see the two jacking the car up and looking all around. I knew something was going on, but had no idea what. The cop comes back and begins his tirade.

In his opinion, Dick's car is set up for street racing and doesn't belong on the street (which is utter bullshit). It should be kept on a race track (which it has never been nor ever will be). Apparently, this is how people get hurt (yes, dumb people) and because the car had no catalytic converter, he had to put a rejection sticker on it. I tried to explain to Officer Harris that it wasn't my car and he had the nerve to ask if I stole it.

Now I'm pissed and replied: Why yes, I stole a car, saw the inspection was out, decided to bring it back here and get that taken care of before I began my joyride. As for the catalytic converter, I decided to shove it up the owner's ass just before I sped off. Any more questions?

Of course, I ended up showing him my driver's license and the car's registration and was allowed to drive the reject back home. I award Officer Harris four golden cocks (it would have been five, but he didn't write me any tickets) for giving me a lecture on street racing even after I told him it wasn't my car and having the nerve to ask if I stole it. I also hope he shuts his masturbatory hand in his squad car as it's obvious he hasn't been laid in a while.