Not So Hot Haters

There is nothing more amusing than watching a bunch of haters. Their jealousy shines through like nipples in a wet t-shirt contest. I'd like nothing more than to round them all up in one great big room, sprinkle them with gasoline, and throw a match right in the middle of them all. They piss me off to no end and I dealt with my fair share of them this past weekend.

Every year, we spend the Fourth of July weekend at the river. There's nothing like fishing and laying out in the sun to forget all your troubles. I had every intention of doing just that this past weekend, but of course, fat chance.

I had set my chair up along the beach and rubbed myself down with lotion. No sooner had I sat down and opened my book, I heard giggles and whispers. I look over and see two women chatting it up and looking my way. I listened a little harder while I pretended to pay them no mind and discovered they were talking about me. Their comments ranged from my big ass to my pale skin. I wanted peace and quiet, but was obviously not going to get it.

I finally had enough. I got up, grabbed a bucket, filled it with water, and marched my ass right on over to the pair. I stood directly in front of their chairs and threw the water on them. They looked at me as if I had lost my damn mind. I politely said that since they thought they were so hot, I figured I'd be neighborly and cool them off. Without giving them a chance to say anything, I turned around, marched back to my seat, and began reading my book in peace. The rest of my weekend was rather enjoyable (and yes, I could probably benefit from a little therapy).