Doing It The Old Way

I've always wondered about those women who marry men much, much older than themselves. I wondered what they could possibly get in return from a relationship that odd. I decided to find out for myself.

I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a man at least double my age (for those of you nosy enough, that would be a sixty year old gent). After sorting through two-thirds of the shit responses, I finally found him. We talked on the phone a few times and finally set up a date. I had no idea what to expect.

The old fart took me out to dinner. He talked constantly about the state of the world today and how shitty the economy was. There were references to taxes and healthcare and I think I dozed off shortly thereafter. At the end of the evening, he took me back home, kissed my cheek, and bid farewell.

Now, this is what I learned: These women are obviously not in it for the sex as this man had absolutely no intention of attempting to get in my pants. These women are not in it for the conversation and companionship as this man could ramble on and on to a point that made you want to slice your wrists.

My thoughts were confirmed -- these women are in it for the money. The old guy bought me the most expensive meal I've ever eaten out, I drank wine I couldn't even pronounce that also came with its own separate bill, and I rode in a car that would be fit for Obama himself.

If it wasn't for the fact that sex is a necessity with me, I would seriously entertain the thought of keeping Mr. Old Guy around, but alas, I'll leave him at the assisted living facility that I found him.