Bumper Stickers

For the Masturbating Male:

1. Vaseline -- made with my meat in mind.

2. Nobody does it like my hand and me.

3. Nothing's working like a jerking.

4. Men -- they take a beating and keep on leaking.

5. I take MJ's advice on a daily and just beat it.

6. Forget the dog, lotion's a man's best friend.

7. If you get caught with your hands in your pants, you're obviously doing it wrong.

8. Lotion -- the world's true meat marinade.

9. My palm is my pilot.

10. When in doubt, stroke it out.

(I'm off to get my head out the gutter, but feel free to throw yours in there and add your own bumper sticker saying)

Parenting With Pea Soup

We all know how I feel about pissy toilets. Well, it seems as if I have a new, even more disgusting problem on my hands. Apparently my daughter has forgotten how to flush after stinking up the bathroom. This was the second morning in a row that I go to open the bathroom windows upstairs and have been greeted with the stench of shit that has been marinating overnight. Needless to say, I've had it.

Searching for something, but not sure what, I found my answer in the pantry. Pea soup. I opened the can, poured some of the contents in the toilet, let some splash on the toilet seat, and smeared some on a piece of toilet paper that I let hang into the bowl by a thread. By the time I was done, it looked as if some very sick person had exploded in the bathroom.

Perfect.

I then grabbed a sponge and some cleaner and set it beside the mess. When my little princess gets home from school, she will realize how disgusting it is to have to clean that shit up. Hopefully, by the time she is finished, she will never forget to flush again. I'd hate to have to take it a step further and yes, I am evil, but they still call me mom.

One Lovely Blog Award

It appears that the lovely Timethief has given me One Lovely Blog Award. With many thanks to her, I shall now pass it on as requested. I've discovered two blogs recently that I have fell in love with and wish to give this award to them. Here's the fine print:

1. Accept the award.
2. Post it (the image) on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
3. Pass the award to other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

And here are the blogs I chose:

Daily Beer Review
Great stories and great beer -- what's not to love?

A little piece of me
This chick can draw and has loads of personality. Love it!